Why can’t people quit their addiction even though they know it will lead to death? It’s a good question. From the outside, it can look strange and illogical why people keep repeating habits that ultimately destroy them, but there are clear reasons why people keep doing it. After reading this article, you will understand why it’s so hard to stop addiction, and you will design your sobriety brand new way that helps you to dissolve your addiction. Let’s start the journey!
Basics first
To truly understand the phenomenon of addiction, we must explore it on a deeper level. Consider this statement: “Addiction has nothing to do with pleasure.” It may sound unusual, but as we delve deeper into the nature of addiction, it becomes clear that pleasure is not the primary driver. Instead, addiction is fundamentally a mindset, not merely a behavior. This mindset predisposes individuals to engage in addictive behaviors.
So, what shapes this mindset? The answer lies in pain, specifically trauma. At its core, it’s the discontentment we feel with ourselves that fosters addiction. Trauma often serves as the catalyst for this discontentment.
Reflect on the most basic and fundamental human need that everyone craves: the desire for self-contentment. Being able to enjoy your own presence is essential to a fulfilling life and provides space for a rich human experience. Conversely, if a person’s natural state is one of discontentment, there is a significant likelihood they will turn to some form of addiction.
It’s important to recognize that addiction isn’t limited to substances like alcohol or drugs; it can also include behaviors that are typically seen as beneficial. Therefore, the specific form of addiction becomes irrelevant when we examine it at a deeper level. One can become addicted to health, exercise, career success, relationships, or other pursuits. What truly matters is the relationship we have with these behaviors. If someone uses a behavior to escape their current reality, it doesn’t matter if that behavior is constructive or destructive—the root issue lies in the desire to escape.
The better question to ask is: Why do we feel the need to escape from our lives or from ourselves? Understanding this fundamental question is key to addressing addiction and paving the way for recovery.
The reason for escapism
What drives escapism? As we’ve discussed, the nature of addiction is rooted in a discontentment with ourselves, and trauma often underlies this discontent. When our normal state is one of dissatisfaction, even a fleeting experience of contentment through a behavior or substance can feel incredibly significant. This leads us to do whatever it takes to regain that sense of peace.
For many, addiction serves as an escape from the state of discontentment. In the minds of addicts, engaging in addictive behaviors often equates to freedom. This is the essence of addiction: it’s not merely about the behavior or the pleasure derived from it, but rather about how it fulfills a deep psychological need. This psychological need often outweighs the pursuit of pleasure itself, making it challenging to break free from addictive behaviors.
Addiction provides a temporary release from discontentment and meets the fundamental human desire to feel at peace with ourselves and to enjoy the present moment. While one might claim to seek money, fame, or success, at the core of those desires often lies the wish to experience greater joy and fulfillment in life.
The challenge with addiction is that it solves the immediate problems we face, primarily the problem of discontentment. In that state, logic can take a backseat; instead, the subconscious drives the relentless quest for fulfillment. The sense of freedom that addiction offers can become profoundly alluring and, ultimately, addictive.
The underlying principle is that when a behavior fulfills a basic need that you perceive to be lacking, that behavior becomes almost irresistible. Recognizing this dynamic is essential for understanding addiction and developing strategies to address it.
There are solutions for every problem
Now that we understand the true nature of addiction, we can also grasp why it is so challenging to quit. Addiction fulfills a psychological need that we feel is lacking, making the process of overcoming it difficult. So, how can we address this issue? In simple terms, by dissolving the identity that harbors the addiction, we can dissolve the addiction itself.
Recognizing the discontent that fuels addiction is crucial. We must learn to understand the identity that experiences this discontent. The fascinating part is that the roots of our discontent are often our own creations. We are the architects of our own prisons, but we also hold the key to our liberation. Consider this: “Am I the creator of my own psychological lack? Have I constructed my own discontent?” When you break it down, the answer is yes.
This realization is actually empowering. Let me explain further. Trauma contributes significantly to our discontent. It’s important to note that trauma is not just about external events; it’s about what happens inside us as a result of those events. Trauma manifests as an internal wound rather than an external occurrence. More accurately, trauma can be viewed as our personal interpretation of the events we’ve experienced.
What is interpretation? At its core, it is the language we use to express our experiences. Additionally, remember that trauma isn’t always linked to horrific events; it can also stem from not experiencing enough positive things in life. Our basic psychological needs must be met; if they are not, the absence of those needs can be traumatic. For instance, a lack of love during childhood or growing up in an unsafe environment can lead to significant emotional scars.
Often, when we endure dysfunction in childhood, we may internalize the belief that there is something wrong with us. This interpretation forms the basis of trauma and becomes the seed of our discontentment. Consequently, we find ourselves struggling with a pervasive sense of dissatisfaction, creating an ideal atmosphere for addiction to thrive. The real addiction, in this case, is rooted in a mindset of discontentment.
It’s vital to acknowledge that trauma isn’t always extreme, such as abuse or violence; it can also include harmful thoughts like “I deserved this,” or “I am unworthy.” These reflections on self-worth construct our internal wounds, reinforcing the trauma. Our interpretations may not always be a conscious choice, but as adults, we can consciously choose to address and heal from our trauma. This understanding illuminates the path toward resolving our psychological needs and overcoming the discontent we feel.
Practical steps
What is the most fundamental human desire? It is the desire to be content with oneself and to have the ability to enjoy one’s own presence. Achieving this state signifies a deep inner richness and provides a strong foundation for navigating the complexities of human experience. But how do we cultivate this sense of contentment when we currently feel discontent?
Discontentment often stems from the language we use to express our life experiences. This same language can also serve as a pathway out of discontentment. To truly understand our current state, we must explore the identity that embodies this discontent, recognizing the life events that contributed to it and the language through which we interpret those experiences.
It’s important to note that the identity tied to addiction often originates in childhood. Addictions typically form during these vulnerable years, as children are more impressionable and susceptible to their surroundings. When I refer to the mindset of addiction, I’m speaking specifically about this early formation rather than its physical manifestations. Personally, my identity associated with addiction took shape at the age of 9. By that young age, my mindset was already leaning toward addiction, laying the groundwork for future struggles with alcohol and drugs.
So, how can we identify these identities connected to addiction?
A well-known method to cure the addiction
There is a well-known method that can address the roots of your addiction: Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. This therapeutic model allows you to identify the parts of your psyche that contribute to your addiction, as well as to heal those parts.
The central premise of IFS is that our psyche is composed of various parts, some of which may hold the addiction and are often young and wounded. Addiction serves as a coping mechanism for these emotional wounds. Through IFS, you learn to understand and communicate with these parts, effectively leading your internal family. By nurturing and healing these wounded aspects, you can ultimately live a life free from addiction.
If you struggle with any form of addiction, I highly recommend exploring IFS. This approach is effective because it targets the underlying issues contributing to your addiction. For more information on this powerful method, check out this book!
Supporting your dissolution process
Having a method to identify and address your addiction is important, but it’s equally crucial to design your lifestyle in a way that supports your healing process. This means instilling habits that foster growth and make the process of dissolution more harmonious. It involves creating an environment that encourages addiction-free living while dismantling the conditions that promote addictive behaviors.
Prioritizing physical health is essential. Regular exercise, a nutritious diet, and good sleep hygiene all contribute to a healthier mind and body. Additionally, educating yourself about addiction and trauma can empower you to make informed decisions. When you incorporate new information, you can approach your recovery with a clearer perspective.
Daily journaling can further enhance your clarity, allowing you to better understand and address the challenges of addiction. It’s important to learn about your triggers and create the right mental environment for the dissolution process. This aspect is particularly significant because the identity tied to addiction often stems from a younger part of ourselves—one that may have faced difficulties in childhood without support. Rather than trying to change these aspects of yourself, focus on being present with them. This approach is key to healing addiction.
Acceptance, compassion, and self-love are essential components of the environment needed for this healing process. Think of it as learning to be a nurturing parent to yourself. If you want to explore more about creating this supportive environment, be sure to read my article on the subject!
In essence, this is how you can achieve lasting recovery from addiction. By understanding the identity rooted in discontentment and identifying the life events that shaped it, along with the language used to interpret those events, you can then apply effective methods like IFS for healing. Coupled with a supportive environment, these steps can fulfill your basic psychological needs and ultimately promote self-contentment. And who wouldn’t want that?
Conclusion
This is a challenging yet profound topic. In essence, the central issue of addiction lies in the mindset of discontentment. This discontent with ourselves is the true addiction. It is the lack of fulfillment of psychological needs that makes addictive behaviors difficult to overcome. When we find temporary freedom from this state of discontentment through certain behaviors, we become willing to do anything to regain that sense of relief. We may sacrifice our logic, health, and well-being to attain that fleeting escape. The drive to fulfill this psychological need is so powerful that we often overlook the negative consequences these behaviors bring into our lives.
Trauma is a significant contributor to this discontent. It acts as a thief of the present moment, preventing us from fully enjoying our own existence and presence. Interestingly, trauma is often shaped by the language we use to express our life events. It may sound simplistic, but when we learn to understand the identity associated with our trauma, the events that created our discontent, and the language we utilize to define these experiences, we can break free from addiction.
One practical step in this journey is to engage in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, which offers a unique approach to understanding and healing trauma. However, it’s important to note that IFS is just one method among many. Additionally, building a healthy environment that supports healing is crucial.
Lastly, remember that this process requires patience. As the saying goes, “Patience is bitter, but its fruits are sweet.” I hope you can cultivate a life where you feel wholly content with your being and live in a state of natural sobriety. If you find yourself struggling at times, let this blog serve as your support. Don’t hesitate to reach out; I am here to help you. For more insights on how to dissolve addiction and transform it into your greatest advantage, be sure to check out my YouTube channel!
