How to stay sober for life? This is a question that countless individuals would give anything to have answered. Why does life feel so challenging after leaving alcohol behind? In this article, I will address these important questions and guide you on how to build a fulfilling life that supports lasting sobriety.
How to stay sober for life?
Why is it so hard to stay sober for life? The answer to this question is simple: it lies in our approach to sobriety. Many of us view addiction and sobriety unconsciously, often believing that addiction is solely a behavioral issue. In reality, the true addiction resides in one’s psychology.
This unconscious perspective may contribute to the challenges people face in maintaining sobriety. Before I delve into the reasons, let me clarify one thing: I’m not focused on telling you how to simply solve your addiction—I’m interested in helping you dissolve it.
Attempting to solve addiction usually means concentrating on quitting alcohol while continuing to live with the same identity that has the addiction. Conversely, dissolving involves understanding the underlying identity and helping that person heal the wounds causing the addiction. To put it another way, solving focuses on the effect, while dissolving targets the cause.
Addiction always addresses a problem in your life; it’s a coping mechanism. Quitting the behavior without understanding the root cause leaves a void. Without a means to cope, you may feel alone with your pain, leading to cravings for something to alleviate that discomfort.
It’s important to recognize that addiction is not a moral failure, nor are addicts inherently selfish. There is a clear cause-and-effect relationship in addiction. Addicts often don’t have conscious control over their choices because they are influenced by unconscious pain.
The key to dissolving addiction is not merely to focus on decisions but to explore why those decisions are made. I hope this has provided you with a clearer understanding of why staying sober can feel so challenging; it ultimately hinges on our approach to sobriety. For lasting change, we must focus on addressing the identity of the person with the addiction rather than solely concentrating on the behavior itself. Let’s dive into the first phase of this dissolution process.
The first step of dissolution
Let’s begin the dissolving process. The dissolution of addiction is the fourth stage of Addiction Alchemy. First, we need to understand what specifically needs to be dissolved. Within our psyche, we hold multiple identities, and it’s essential to identify the one that carries the addiction. Only then can we aid this identity in healing its wounds.
So, how do we identify this identity? These identities often come with significant pain. To uncover them, start by asking yourself the right questions. Reflect on your life:
- What aspects of myself or my life am I not okay with?
- What recurring thoughts trouble me daily, making me feel unsettled?
- How do I view myself?
- Are there some life events that I’m not okay with?
Questions open us up to new possibilities and deeper insights about ourselves. Without asking questions, we risk making assumptions about our experiences. However, by inquiring within, we can gain a profound understanding of who we are.
I explored this concept in the third stage of Addiction Alchemy, so I won’t delve into it further here. If you’re interested in learning more, I encourage you to check out that section! Read it here!
Example of dissolution process
What better way to learn than through a real-life example of the dissolution process? I’d like to share my own experience to give you a clearer picture of what this journey entails.
Dissolving the addiction. My addiction has roots in my childhood. I grew up in a good family and never lacked for basic needs, but my relationship with my parents was cold. This lack of emotional warmth made me feel starved for love, and it became the genesis of my addiction.
This phenomenon highlights a crucial aspect of addiction: it’s the interpretation of events that forms destructive beliefs. As a child, I interpreted the lack of love as meaning “I’m not lovable.” With this belief established, the stage was set for addiction. When I believed I was unlovable, I felt compelled to suffer and constantly strive to make myself more lovable.
Consider how a person behaves when they holds such a worldview. This mindset can lead to people-pleasing, perfectionism, and, ultimately, addiction. It’s a survival mechanism driven by trauma, which shapes how we perceive the world.
Continuing my story, I lived with the belief that I was unlovable. When I turned seventeen, my struggles with drugs and alcohol addiction began. I started with marijuana, which escalated to ecstasy, amphetamines, cocaine, benzodiazepines, and heavy drinking. My journey reached a crisis point at 24, when I suffered two bouts of pancreatitis. All of these substances stemmed from that underlying belief of not being lovable.
Here’s the ironic truth: that belief is a lie. It’s an illusion, not a fundamental truth. My parents’ coldness reflected their own experiences, having received similar treatment from their parents. Their inability to express proper love had nothing to do with me. “I’m not lovable” was my interpretation of the event, not the reality of who I am.
But for me, it was a real experience because it’s the mind that makes beliefs feel true. I had a real feeling and experience that I’m not lovable because I had the belief of it. Once a belief is formed, our minds will experience a reality where that belief holds validity. This illustrates how trauma isn’t just defined by what happens to you; it’s about how those experiences shape your internal landscape.
Understanding the events that led to your addiction—and your interpretations of them—empowers you to dissolve your addiction.
While I’ve shared my story, I want to emphasize that the purpose of this article is to center on you. My experiences can illustrate how the beliefs formed from our histories can mold our addictions, creating fertile ground for dependency.
Addiction lies within our psychology. To dissolve it, we need to comprehend our own psychology, which requires serious self-inquiry. Dissolving addiction is about identifying the beliefs that give rise to it, understanding them, understanding our own interpretation of the event, and offering compassion, acceptance, and love for the part of you that has the belief. That’s the art of dissolving the addiction. It’s the way for real freedom.
This process isn’t complicated; it’s simple, but it requires patience. You won’t dissolve it in a day, but starting to study yourself is crucial for making progress. Next, we will cover the right settings for this process.
The right settings for the dissolution process
As we begin to comprehend our psychology and identify the parts of ourselves that are tied to addiction, it’s essential to learn how to observe ourselves properly. We must nurture ourselves as caring parents would. The path to lasting sobriety involves nurturing yourself as a parent would. It’s about taking responsibility for the part of you that is grappling with addiction.
Often, these addictive parts are quite young, formed during childhood; they represent our inner child. Therefore, it’s natural to adopt a parental role toward this part of ourselves. It’s crucial to let go of judgment, criticism, and self-harshness, as these approaches impede the dissolution process.
The shift you need to make is to focus on caring for the part of you that has the addiction. It’s important to remember that you can’t simply label yourself as an addict; our psychology is complex and multifaceted.
Think of your psyche as an inner family. If you want to learn more about this inner family, read this book! Your task is to learn to guide this family and understand its various members. Different situations may trigger different parts of you, and some of these parts may be prone to engaging in addictive behaviors.
When you learn to recognize these aspects and address them compassionately, you can begin to dissolve your addiction. Ultimately, it’s about developing a deeper understanding of your inner world. Remember, addiction is unequivocally an internal issue.
Becoming the parent
How can we become caring parents to our inner child? We have to create an environment where our inner child can heal. Learning to engage with the different parts of yourself is essential for creating an environment where healing can occur. The most important aspect of this process is being present with these parts, as that’s what they crave the most.
When you recognize and understand these aspects of yourself, resist the urge to change them. Many of these parts may have been neglected during childhood, and now it’s your responsibility to be there for them. This means that when you get triggered, you should approach the triggered part with compassion and love.
It’s also vital to be gentle with yourself. Create a safe space where it’s okay to make mistakes and have bad days. Acknowledge that feeling negative emotions is part of the healing process. Compassion, acceptance, and self-love are foundational to this journey.
The mindspace
One significant factor that drives addictive behaviors is the presence of a harsh inner critic. When we criticize ourselves, we often feel worse, leading us to seek out addictive behaviors as a coping mechanism. The antidote to this cycle is compassion and acceptance. Whatever happens, accept it as it is.
Consider your mindspace as a home. If this space is filled with judgment and criticism, it becomes an uncomfortable place to dwell. In addiction recovery, you cannot escape your mindspace. You might try to avoid it through various addictions, but ultimately, you will return to this mental environment.
This is why it can be challenging to maintain sobriety over the long term if your mindspace isn’t comfortable. We dissolve addiction by transforming this space into one that no longer requires addictive behaviors. Your lifestyle choices will play a crucial role in this process. If you want to learn more about creating a supportive environment for recovery, I invite you to read my article on the subject. Read it here!
Creating the right environment in the dissolution process is the cherry on top. It involves learning to be a great parent to yourself. The primary goal is to establish a mental space where you can respond appropriately in various situations. Often, it’s our reactions that cause more pain than the events themselves. This is why cultivating a mindspace that encourages healthy responses is essential.
The right reactions involve being present with the various parts of yourself. Offer compassion and acceptance, regardless of past actions. Embrace unconditional love for yourself, much like a nurturing mother would. Learn to be your own best friend and treat yourself with the kindness and understanding you deserve. These are the conditions that make the dissolution of addiction possible.
Now, the formula for dissolution is established. This is the fourth stage of Addiction Alchemy, and I consider it the true alchemical process. It lays a strong foundation for the entire transformative journey. Without mastering this process, the principles of alchemy cannot effectively take shape. Therefore, ensure that you fully grasp and master this stage before moving on to the final phase.
Conclusion
This process can profoundly change your life. When done correctly, it leads to true freedom, transforming your life in such a way that you might scarcely recognize your previous existence.
To simplify the process, focus on identifying the belief that underlies your addiction. Take the time to understand this part of yourself—acknowledge its beliefs and the interpretation of the event and learn to comprehend its roots. Create a safe space for this part to heal, and learn to guide your inner family towards healing.
Once you have completed these stages, the dissolution process is truly underway. I cannot emphasize this enough: if you embrace and understand these concepts, you can free yourself from the grip of addiction. Be patient and commit to doing the right things each day, and you will find success!
In the next stage of Addiction Alchemy, we will explore how to turn addiction into your greatest advantage. This marks the final stage of Addiction Alchemy. I look forward to seeing you there!
