Having lived a sober lifestyle for nearly five years, one thing I truly wish someone had shared with me at the beginning of my journey is these valuable lessons. These insights can significantly simplify your path to sobriety and help you concentrate on what truly matters. Let’s embark on this journey together!
5 different addictions
First, I want to share the various addictions I have struggled with over the years. I overcame a 7-year-long battle with alcohol and drugs, as well as an addiction to benzodiazepines. Additionally, I addressed a 13-year cigarette addiction and a 16-year addiction to pornography. I also dealt with sugar and junk food addictions that have been a part of my life for nearly as long as I can remember.
In total, I have successfully navigated five different addictions over the past five years. I quit alcohol, drugs, and benzodiazepines in 2020, followed by cigarettes in 2021, and my struggles with pornography and sugar came to an end last year. Surprisingly, I found my challenges with porn and sugar to be the most difficult, taking me three years to overcome.
The lessons I will share are drawn from my journey of overcoming these various addictions. Now, it’s time to explore those lessons together.
The First Lesson
The first lesson is maybe the most meaningful. Even though I said that “I have overcome 5 different addictions,” in reality, I had only one addiction because addiction is a mindset. The same addiction has 5 different manifestations of that mindset. Alcohol, drugs, benzodiazepines, cicarettes, sugar, and porn was just manifestation of this mindset that I had. Focusing on addiction only in behavior is a very unconscious way to look at addiction because addiction is way complex and deeper than just behavior.
What makes this mindset of addiction?
The core attribute of this mindset is discontentment with ourselves or our lives, often rooted in trauma. Consider this: when we typically exist in a state of discontentment, we often seek out behaviors or substances that provide even a fleeting sense of contentment. In this context, engaging in addictive behaviors can feel like a form of freedom—offering an escape from that discontent.
One of the most fundamental psychological needs we all share is the desire to feel content with ourselves, to genuinely enjoy our own presence. Addiction can provide a glimpse of that state. It serves as a way to experience enjoyment in life, which is why quitting can be so challenging; it often has little to do with seeking pleasure but rather fulfills that essential psychological need.
In essence, true addiction represents a longing for freedom from discontentment and a yearning for inner contentment. It is fundamentally a psychological issue. Recognizing this allows you to rethink your approach to addressing addiction. By understanding the life events that contribute to your feelings of discontentment, you can begin to dissolve the patterns of addiction.
Importantly, acknowledging that there is nothing inherently wrong with addiction can reframe your perspective. It’s a natural reaction to unmet needs. By cultivating understanding and acceptance of your own addiction, you create an environment that enables recovery and healing.
The Second Lesson
The second lesson is that quitting the physical behavior is not the hardest part, but can you make that decision last is the most challenging part of this process. More than that, it’s not only about making the decision last, but can you build a great life after the addiction? It’s so important to focus on designing new lives for ourselves and building ourselves in a way where sobriety can arise naturally. If we still have the mindset of addiction, but no longer the coping mechanism, then life will be a struggle. It’s so important to do the inner work where we also solve the mindset of addiction. That’s how you can make the decision last.
The Third Lesson
This lesson is invaluable, and I continue to apply this principle in my life: your environment shapes your reality. Addiction and sobriety are outcomes of different environments. To create the life you desire, it’s essential to understand the environment that fosters that outcome.
One of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to achieve sobriety is attempting to do so within an environment that perpetuates addiction. It’s no surprise that staying sober feels challenging when surrounded by influences that support addictive behaviors.
When I refer to “environment,” I mean all aspects of life: your physical health, mental well-being, relationships, and physical surroundings. It’s about transforming your habits into those that nurture your sobriety. This may involve distancing yourself from relationships that tempt you to drink and instead cultivating connections that inspire and support your journey. Additionally, creating a motivating and uplifting physical environment can serve as a constant reminder of your commitment to sobriety.
It’s also crucial to change your mental environment. Practice positive self-talk, learn to accept yourself as you are, and cultivate self-love. By optimizing these areas of your life, the desire for addiction can diminish naturally.
In summary, focus on removing systems that support addiction and actively build systems that promote sobriety. This approach will lead to a more fulfilling and sustainable recovery.
The Fourth Lesson
The fourth lesson is that your approach to quitting addiction determines your destination. Pretty much how you start to tackle this problem of addiction determines what kind of life you will have in the future. Let’s break it down by exploring different approaches for quitting addiction.
The first approach
The first approach to overcoming addiction is the most common: focusing on quitting the physical behavior associated with addiction. For many, making the change to cease these behaviors can significantly transform their lives. However, the downside of this approach is that it often leads to a mindset of survival, as individuals strive to live without their coping mechanisms.
While quitting the physical behavior is a necessary step, it does not address the underlying mindset. As a result, life can feel like a constant struggle, marked by resistance. Individuals may find themselves lacking the very coping mechanisms that previously provided support, yet they still grapple with the reasons for their addiction.
In summary, this first approach focuses primarily on eliminating physical addiction but fails to dismantle the mindset that drives it. A more comprehensive strategy is needed to achieve lasting recovery.
The second approach
The second approach is dissolving addiction. But what is the difference between solving addiction and dissolving it? Solving addiction typically focuses on quitting the physical behavior, while dissolving addiction centers on addressing the mindset behind that behavior. This more evolved approach tackles the root causes of addiction, leading to a deeper and more sustainable transformation.
By dissolving addiction, you work towards achieving real freedom—not just from substances, but from the mindset of addiction that keeps you trapped in a mental prison. In this state, sobriety becomes a natural part of your life, free from resistance. When you embrace this approach, living without addiction feels effortless and organic.
The third approach
The final approach is about transforming addiction into your greatest advantage—what I like to call Addiction Alchemy. This method focuses on shifting the energy that has fueled your addiction into a source of passion and freedom. While it is the most challenging approach, it is undoubtedly the most rewarding.
The core idea is to redirect the energy invested in your addiction toward building a fulfilling life and creating positive experiences. This transformation involves turning your addiction into a passion. However, it’s essential to first dissolve your addiction; without doing so, you risk merely transferring your addiction to another form. This means that a “bad addiction” could turn into a “good addiction,” but it remains an addiction nonetheless—simply a “better prison.”
In the process of alchemy, we don’t merely change the content of addiction; we focus on transforming its very nature. We shift from a pain-related existence to one grounded in love and fulfillment. While addiction stems from pain, passion is rooted in love. It’s crucial to recognize that the concept of a “good addiction” is a myth. Addiction, by its very nature, is an escape from reality, and the act of escaping is the real problem.
Consider this: what kind of places are we seeking to escape? A prison is a space we want to break free from. If addiction represents escapism, it reveals itself to be a mental prison. Therefore, what some might call a “good addiction” is merely a more palatable version of that prison. The fourth lesson is about adopting the right approach to achieve lasting sobriety.
The Fifth Lesson
The fifth lesson is that desire is a hell of a thing, and transmutation of desire is a heaven-like thing. One lesson that I learned from all of these addictions is that only following your desires is a road to hell. Following your animalistic desires is not the path to the good life. It’s kind of the opposite. It’s about learning to transmute these animalistic desires to higher desires. Understand that everything is changeable. Not going for money, but going for helping other people. That’s one example of transmuting your desires. Also, sexual transmutation is one example. Not eating for pleasure, but eating for living. That’s how you change animalistic desires for elevated aspirations. Ultimately, these elevated aspirations create heaven on earth. So the fifth lesson is that following your animalistic desires makes life feel like hell, and transmutation of desire makes life feel like heaven.
Bonus lessons
As we wrap up, I’d like to share a couple of bonus lessons.
The first lesson is something I learned recently, and I believe that if I had understood this at the beginning of my sobriety journey, it would have made the process significantly easier: understanding your personality type. Knowing your personality type can be a tremendous advantage. It helps you identify what specifically motivates you, making it easier to design your path to sobriety in a way that aligns with your unique traits. If you’re struggling to make the decision to quit addiction, it may stem from a lack of awareness about what truly drives you to make that choice. For more insights on this topic, I highly recommend reading “The Four Tendencies” by Gretchen Rubin.
The second lesson is this: while you might view addiction as the worst thing that ever happened to you, it can also be transformed into the best thing. This concept revolves around creating meaning from our experiences with addiction. Many stories exist of individuals who have turned their hardships into strengths. Perhaps your struggles with addiction are meant to equip you to help others break free from their own challenges, or maybe the lessons from your addiction are essential for your personal growth.
Ultimately, shifting your perspective is crucial. Instead of seeing addiction as a prison, consider it a stepping stone toward a greater purpose.
Conclusion
What can you learn from these lessons? Each lesson provides valuable insights that can guide you on your journey to sobriety.
- The First Lesson: It emphasizes the importance of having the right focus. This lesson encourages you to concentrate on changing the mindset that fuels addiction, rather than merely addressing behaviors.
- The Second Lesson: This teaches you about the true challenge of quitting addiction. It’s not just about stopping the physical behavior; it’s about making that decision last. Understanding this distinction is key to long-term success.
- The Third Lesson: It provides strategies for ensuring that your decision to quit is sustainable. This involves changing your environment to support addiction-free living and rebuilding your identity so that sobriety becomes a natural state.
- The Fourth Lesson: This highlights the significance of your approach to quitting addiction. Your approach largely determines your outcome, making it vital to adopt a mindset that fosters recovery.
- The Fifth Lesson: It reveals that following animalistic desires isn’t the solution to a fulfilling life and can lead to a sense of emptiness. Instead, transmuting these desires into higher aspirations can lead you toward a more meaningful existence.
